gezellig

dutch adjective

[hell-SELL-ichk]

1. having company with a pleasant, friendly ambiance
2. cozy atmosphere
3. an upbeat feeling about the surroundings

"a perfect example of untranslatability is seen in the dutch language through the word gezellig, which does not have an english equivalent. literally, it means cozy, quaint, or nice, but can also connote time spent with loved ones, seeing a friend after a long absence, or general togetherness."

"a room can be gezellig, and in this context the word is quite similar to cozy. but gezellig encompasses way more than that. it is closely tied to the company you are in and also refers to the atmosphere that is created when you are together. for that to be gezellig it is essential that you connect with the other person or people. gezellig is what makes you feel good, relaxed, warm, protected - almost cuddled. it's a sense of familiarity, or feeling at home."

christastime in malden, ma - at home with the shumways:

lots of time spent baking in the kitchen

bryan, liz, baby jetta, julie and eli after fancy christmas eve dinner

new baby jetta didn't particularly like her part in the christmas eve nativity pageant

(i, on the other hand, clearly enjoyed my role)

time lapse of our christmas eve sibling gift exchange

the movie looks really frantic, which is actually pretty fitting, but still, it was gezellig

christmas morning in my elf suit and the apron saydi had custom made for me

jeff needs to learn how to make an amazon wishlist - somehow he got a racecar wheel!

skyping/"face-time"ing with siblings/aunts&uncles and cousins/neices&nephews

gezellig, indeed.

more christmas trees etcetera

a perfect last night of 2010 in sf:

nikki and i set out to see all the pulchritudinous christmas trees downtown. not only did we see the big ones in plazas and squares but we also popped into shops, office buildings and hotels along the way. mirth and cheer were streaming in the city and the world was smiling. we oohed and aahed, we relished the magic and the sparkle, we talked about christmases past and the true meaning of the season, and we ate at in-n-out.

other jolly things that have made the season bright:

-a splendid little bff christmas celebration - last week jane treated me to fancy dinner downtown. the chosen locale was the restaurant town hall in soma it was so perfectly spruced for christmas and had just the right amount of dim light to make it enchanting. the food was divine and the company was even better.

-festive events that have included: nutella hot chocolate, laying on the floor and laughing uncontrollably hard, hanging off a cable car whooshing down san francisco hills while singing christmas carols at the top of my lungs, bidding farewell, and jabbering with pals.

-a delectable saturday in the east bay comprised of: a sweet temple session, a walk though a fascinating hood of oakland, salmon eggs benedict a huge stack of banana coconut pancakes, eclectic shops on college avenue, reading trashy mags while getting a cheap pedicure and a stroll down alameda's "christmas tree lane" (which included, somehow, a group of older ladies wearing glitzy christmas tree outfits tap dancing and can-can-ing down the street - awesome).

this is what happens when you give your iphone to a random older man. you'll just have to take my word for it that the lights on the house behind us were pretty cool. still, i like this picture. and i adore josephine.

-getting paid to decorate and wrap presents: it has been a fun week at "work" (loosest sense of the term) and i feel like i've turned from a random personal assistant into a christmas elf. the treats left over from the woman i work for's caroling party were scrumptious. i decorated this huge tree with at least one thousand ornaments and i am pretty proud of it.


-an astonishingly beautiful and moving christmas program at the stanford ward sacrament meeting, and a fun messiah sing-a-long at the oakland temple auditorium, both of which filled my heart to the brim with a stirring remembrance of the authentic and palpable spirit of christmas.


i love christmas. i love it, i love it, i love it. i guarantee more than most people you know. i love it because it is magical and sparkly and cozy and radiant, but mostly i love it because i love jesus christ. i know that he is real. i have felt his power work in my life and at christmastime i feel his love deep in my heart and in the marrow of my bones. i can't deny that is from heaven.

good word!

words i discovered recently, really like, and want to add to my personal vernacular:

pulchritudinous

[pulh-kri-tood-n-uhs] -adjective

physically beautiful; comely

chintzy

[chint-see] -adjective

1. of, like, or decorated with chintz

2. cheap, inferior, or gaudy

3. stingy; tacky; miserly

uncouth

[uhn-kooth] -adjective

1. awkward, clumsy, or unmannerly; off-color

2. strange and ungraceful in appearance or form

3. unusual or strange

quixotic

[kwick-sot-ik] -adjective

1. foolishly impractical especially in the pursuit of ideals; marked by rash lofty romantic ideas or chivalrous action

2. impulsive and often rashly unpredictable.

that last one maybe sounds a little too much like my personality.

book club book for this month is jane austen's "mansfield park." i am on page 3, but have already found a gem of collection of words:

"but there certainly ware not so many men of large fortune in the world, as there are women to deserve them."

amen, jane.

i like words.

so sew so magical

 

here is our christmas tree. a little low on funds, i decorated it with two strings of lights, ornaments left over from the ward party, ribbon and paper chains. i love it so much. whenever i am home i cuddle up by it, bewitched by its glow. when i come home at night and see it sparkling in the window my heart sings, it really does. "o christmas tree" to be exact. oh! i love it so much.

 

my friend krystal was in town interviewing for a job this weekend. it was so fun to see her after a three year separation. krystal and i were the token mormons in our class at wellesley, and she was a great blessing in my life, and still is. another one of those that i see after so long yet feel like no time has passed. i took her to baker beach and it was soooo foggy but sort of enchanting as the fog horns belted, and as we drove out of the presidio we drove out of that cloud to behold a stunning sunset kissing the hills. i gushed about how much i love san francisco because its beauty was exploding in front of us and because i really want krystal to keep applying to jobs here and move here. we strolled through chinatown, had dinner, and were dazzled by the lights at union square, which really are magical.

 

 

we invited some friends over on sunday evening and i felt so in love with this house. we had hot chocolate milk, pumpkin cookies and cranberry pecan cookies, a fire in the fireplace, the tree ablaze, the hum of holiday music and the chatter of chums. i didn't take any pictures. imagine this full of happy people and that definite glow of christmas goodness - that feeling that makes you want to just sit quietly and watch everyone while your heart smiles (like the cheesy montages in movies).

 

it is so hard to take a good picture of the entry way, but i love it all decorated. also imagine a fire in the fireplace.

 

tonight i went to see the san francisco ballet's nutcracker. i adore the nutcracker, and this production was pure magic. the performing arts, especially dance, get me every time, every time. the snow queen scene had me blinking back tears and my fingertips tingled. i was wide and starry eyed, delighted and amazed throughout the entire ballet. the war memorial opera house is a gorgeous building, and we got to see all of it because we sat on the very back row. steph mentioned that it felt like we were in a music box. so true. i think one of the reasons i love the nutcracker so much is that i dream of having clara's dream - a handsome prince, traveling the world and miraculously transforming into a ballerina.

 

beside all this magic and merriment (which has been oh so real), the truth is that i really just want to listen to joni mitchell's "river" over and over. such a sad, sad song. the first true weep of the san francisco chapter of my life arrived on monday. in my car pulled over with blue and red lights flashing in the dark night - the straw that broke the back. a blubbering sob - sometimes it just has to happen. it has been a peachy four months, but i've hit a wall, and i feel so glad for the new beginnings that come with a new year.

on being human

why do i sometimes feel like writing, so much that i have to stop what i am doing, sit down, and spill out words? why do i feel that ache for expression?

why do we have to be so pretend sometimes? why do we feel like we have to play games? what makes us want to be something other than real?

how can my heart feel so huge and overflowing, like it is clobbering all my other organs one night, and so debilitatingly empty the next morning?

why is the natural man so prideful? why do i feel a twinge of jealousy amidst the happiness when i hear of a dear one's gladness or success? why does that grass over there look so dang green?

how can i be so lazy? why do i feel so tired sometimes?

it's been nearly a year. why does my heart still hurt sometimes? why?

why do i sweat and breakout and get throbbing headaches? why do i have poor vision and fat fingers?

why do we rashly do things that we methodically regret?

why do i hate being left out or missing out? why do i care about things i can't control or that don't really matter? why do i feel like i need my worth to be validated?

why do i forget things so easily? why do i have to keep learning the same lesson over and over and over again?

how can i be so scared of not having something that i've only just tasted? how is it possible for me to want something intangible and undefinable so so very very much?

it's because i'm human and i'm having a mortal experience.

i chose this mortal experience; i'm sure i begged for it; i bet i insisted i would be strong enough.

to feel all of these woes and sensations and aches of mortality.

and i shouted for joy to become indefinitely alive.

i love being human.

happy things

when i was 14, i started a happy things list. simple pleasures; tender mercies; bits of life that make me feel ridiculously merry, or peaceful and content, or pleasantly delighted, or just a little twinge of bliss. the list has grown and grown and grown and now is about 75 typed pages long. i like to add to it when i am feeling glad and read it when i am feeling blue.

this week has brought some definite glad additions and also some definite blue reading. for some reason or another, lately my heart has felt sometimes somber and melancholy and sometimes overwhelmed and worried. i am frustrated about the job search and also, bah!, about boys.

yet, i somehow weirdly love those less than exuberant feelings because they are part of the mortal experience. they help me to be human. they make me greater in dimension and broader in being alive. and they make all those listed happy things seem bedazzled and spectacular.

this week's additions to the long, long list include:

-rainy, thoughtful days

-inspiration and empowerment to be better that just keeps coming; learning the same lessons over and over, but learning them just the same

-san francisco's hills and houses

-herbal tea or chilli to warm up

-feeling like my heart is ready after months of finding it impossible to believe that i could feel shades of true love again (woah, that sounds intense - not sure how else to describe it)

-the view of the city from market street

-feelings of triumph after starting a new life

-free concerts

-twangy bluegrass music

-being friends with people that i just, dang, really really like

roomie emily at a free bluegrass concert at some dim, b.o. smelling

(but curiously endearing) bar in the mission.

-a lifetime and very, very best friend

-christmas tree lighting ceremonies

-being in the middle of a bustling city as the sun sets and the indigo sky of night says hello and the buildings light up and people rush home

-crowds

-christmas carols

-singers who just belt it out with all they've got

jane and i headed to 555 california street for the lighting of their huge, red holiday tree. we met up with some friends and listened to some local crooners and natasha beddingfield sing carols as the city lit up with christmas cheer.

-owl city's "christmas song"

-dave matthew's "christmas song"

-sissel and motab's "in the bleak midwinter"

-mariah carey's "all i want for christmas is you"

-spontaneous splurges at fancy restaurants

-dinner conversation that leaves you laughing to tears

-engagement stories

-amazingly tasty food and all the arrays of flavours

friends at the melting pot in marin - nikki had a gift certificate that was about to expire

so we rashly decided to take a drive over the ggb and just enjoy some fabulous fondue.

-the glowing, sweet atmosphere at small christmas parties

-new friends that are kindred spirits

-diverse cultural traditions

-eating something you have baked and sharing it with others

i went to a dutch-themed "sinterklaus" party and it was perfect.

-girls' nights in

-cafe rio pork salads

-friends from your hometown when not in your home town

-again, dinner conversation that leaves you laughing to tears

jane hosted a little g.n.i. for a bunch of s.f. girls from s.l.c. (acronym overload!)

the city glittered out the windows and we loooved chatting and jane's cafe rio recreations.

-castro theater and its old-fashioned charm

-going to an event you've been anxiously looking forward to

-when said event far exceeds your expectations

-a gathering of people for a common purpose that is purely fun

-musicals and singing along

yes, a sound of music sing-a-long. yes, we belted it out. yes, that little old man at the organ played the

whole score before the movie started. yes, there were gay men in lederhosen. yes, it was face-hurts-from-smiling-good. yes, we went to get chocolate treats after at the legendary square.

-the tiny lightbulbs in the arched ghiradelli square signs

-sharing a milkshake

-celebrating a friend's birthday

-san francisco's classical music radio station (i love it!)

-not having a lot of things (the woman i work for keeps everything and it is so complicated)

-the water pressure in my shower that is so strong it feels like it is peeling my skin off sometimes

-the bright yellow vinyl couch in my living room

-checking things off my life goals list

-mountain towns nuzzled in the trees

-december saturday mornings

-the great blessing of great roommates

-christmastime (that one is repeated about 100 times on the list, but it deserves to be)

-hot apple cider

-santa clauses that look really authentic

-the smell of christmas trees

life goal: chop down my own christmas tree: check! roomies and i went down to the santa cruz

mountains to a magical little christmas tree farm and brought home a winner.

-seeing your own christmas tree sparkling in the window

-saturday cleaning with the roommates

-the satisfaction of wiping gross grime off surfaces that maybe haven't been cleaned in years

-decorating the house for christmas

-old fashioned christmas carols

-pandora

-the temple

-the tinkling sound that the chandelier in the oakland temple's celestial room makes

-remembering sacred days in my life

-the security and power of having made covenants with god

-the thrill of bearing my testimony on fast sunday

-knowing that that babe in bethlehem is the saviour of the world

-discussing random, funny memories with old friends

-car trips with good conversation

-feeling the real, real, authentic, genuine, real spirit of christmas deep in my bones

-being a mormon

-the christmas creche exhibit in palo alto

i went with my old friend missy and it absolutely blew me away - creches from all over the world,

classy set-up, beautiful music, and that wonder of the story of the baby jesus.

-free first tuesdays at san francisco museums

-modern artists' brilliant ideas

-looking at pretty things and admiring creativity

-meandering through a museum with music in my ears

-the view from the tower at the de young

i took the day off to celebrate free first tuesday, and loved sharing my

time at the de young with jane.

-the perks of not having a full-time job

-the peculiar feeling i get while wandering around the sfmoma (wildly empowering, ennobling)

-museum shops

-paper chain countdowns to christmas

-successful and fun ward activities

-book club, good books, good ideas, smart friends

-josephine's charming house in alameda

-peppermint bark

-having a crush

-the funny thrill of using public transportation

-having space that's my own and feeling homey there

-moments when i remember i live here and i have to pinch myself

-fantastic late night chats with my roommates

-the sensation of feeling melancholy and blue

-having so many things to be happy about

dreamy seattle

what a dream of a city. seattle is gray but kind of a shiny gray. enchanting. i'll live there for a while someday. kelsey and i had a lovely little saturday in the city. she showed me her beloved spots and i took polaroid pictures incessantly.

 

we began at pike's place, which last january bolted right up high on my theoretical top 10 favourite places in the world list. there is something in the air at that place, i swear, something magical (corny but honestly true). i loved the samples and chatting with the vendors and taking in all the goodness of the world's best farmer's market.

 

 

we had to make a quick stop at the gum wall, which is a very important reason that i love pike's place so much. i seriously think that alley full of chewed up gum is pure brilliance. the human family coming together to make sticky, spitty, colorful public art. i am blowing a bubble in this picture. you can't really tell. i just look like i am making a weird face. and also the cup is full of tea from starbucks. they're on every corner in seattle and i kind of love it.

 

 

we moseyed over to pioneer square - such a charming part of town. we ate warm pho. it drizzled outside.

 

 

impulsively we decided to go to the top of smith tower, which is the world's first skyscraper, and for years and years was the tallest building west of the mississippi. the antique elevator in that building is so cool. the elevator operator was the cutest little man. on the top floor there is a fancy chair. according to legend, if wishful young women sit there, they will get married within a year. we both took a very emphatic sit and pressed our bums firmly down to channel the magic.

 

 

the views were great! can you see the space needle there down that long street? excellent.

 

we ran down the street to get to the underground tour in time. who knew that there is practically a whole other city under seattle that came about after a huge fire? well, apparently quite a few people, but not me. it was really awesome. i learned a lot about the city and it was pretty neat down under.

 

 

we walked up the waterfront at sunset. gloriousness.

 

 

and then we went downtown to the shopping district, which was all lit up for christmas. that bewtiching holiday feeling was dense. so we rode the carousel with a gaggle of 5-year-olds in the middle of seattle.

 

our last stop was to meet up with my dear friend sarah, who i haven't seen for three years. she has been living in seattle with her husband - still crazy to me that she has one! it was such a fantastic reunion. you know you've found a lifelong friend when you go three years without seeing each other and then when you do, it's like no time at all has passed. we got some hot coco to finish off the day at (where else??) starbucks.

 

a dreamy city it is.

 

we took the i5 on the way home - a completely different route then on the way up. we stopped in portland for church at a little downtown branch and then popped by to see the portland temple. we drove through the mountains and into california right before sunset and it was breathtaking. everything was dusted in snow and the light made it seem like we were between heaven and earth. we blasted hymns and curved through the hills. it got dark right as we passed cool mount shasta.

 

 

we crossed the bay bridge into our city about 9:30pm after a long day of driving and it felt so good to be home. the city glistened across the bay as we listened to kitschy music and we'd arrived. i had a good feeling in my heart - an independent, empowered, courageous feeling. i belong to san francisco and it belongs to me.

 

until i move to seattle one day!