truth and dare

speaking of wonderful words, i was recently made aware that once john steinbeck wrote a letter to his son about love. young thom told his pa that he thought he was in love, and here is how his father responded…

dear thom:
we had your letter this morning. i will answer it from my point of view.
first - if you are in love - that's a good thing - that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. don't let anyone make it small or light to you.
second - there are several kinds of love. one is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. this is the ugly and crippling kind. the other is an outpouring of everything good in you - of kindness, and consideration and respect - not only the social respect of manners but the greatest respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. the first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.
you say this is not puppy love. if you feel so deeply - of course it isn't puppy love.
but I don't think you were asking me what you feel. you know that better than anyone. what you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it - and that i can tell you.
glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.
the object of love is the best and most beautiful. try to live up to it.
if you love someone - there is no possible harm in saying so - only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.
girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.
it sometimes happens that what you feel inside is not returned for one reason or another - but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.
lastly, i know your feeling because i have it and i am glad you have it.
and don't worry about losing. if it is right, it happens - the main thing is not to hurry. nothing good gets away.
love,
fa

i absolutely love this, and i believe what mr. steinbeck wrote is true. true love is true. i just know it.

in addition to sharing this bit of truth tonight, i also want to issue a dare (you know, just to round things out, 8th grade style) to my blog readers. blog stats and analytics are quite fascinating. there are quite a few of you who drop by and see what i have to say or share. i have a sneaky feeling that you are a pretty neat group of people. but analytics only give me numbers, and quite honestly, i want to know a little about who is behind those numbers! people are so, so great.

so … i triple dog dare you to leave a comment on this post and tell me why you’re reading my little blog, or what your thoughts are on true love, or what steinbeck book i should read next, or what your favourite color is, or what makes you feel “dripping with passion.”

do you remember what happens to those kids who don’t follow through on their dare when playing “truth or dare”???

me, either. hmmmm. but just leave me a comment. i want to know a bit of who you are. because i think i like you.

2011: a year in books

last january, i made a goal to read 25 books in 2011. weeeeell, i didn’t exactly make my goal. BUT i did read 15 books over the course of the year, which all delighted, inspired, entertained, moved and/or uplifted me in different ways. i have dog-eared so many pages in these magnificent volumes, and i wish i had a brain that allowed me to remember all the goodness in them. i sighed at luscious passages of gorgeous description, became engrossed in brilliant storytelling, laughed out loud many times and certainly shed a tear or two in the midst of these 15 books.

the power of the written word is a phenomenon of beauty that transcends this world. i love reading good books.

world’s best bike route?

  there is nothing quite like the classic golden gate bridge bike ride on a sunny saturday.

the adventure, which i’ve done quite a few times, always with a perma-smile, goes like this:
-rent bikes at sports basement at crissy field
-ooh and ahh at the views from the top of the hill
-bike across the iconic, gorgeous, fantastic, vermillion bridge, and stop at both of the towers to take it all in
-walk bikes under the bridge
-enjoy the views at vista point
-cruise down the thrilling hill into charming-beyond-charming sausalito
-eat something super yummy and walk along the harbor
-park bikes in the ferry and stand on deck while cutting through the bay past alcatraz and into the skyline
-delight in the ferry building and/or fishermans’s wharf
-bike past ghiradelli square, through a gorgeous park, fort mason, and the marina
-return bikes
-ask yourself: is this really my life?!

last weekend i took the excursion with a group of both new and old friends. and gosh, it was great.
it was such a nice warm day, and eric and i decided there was no good reason not to take a quick dip in the beautiful sausalito town square fountain.

i’ve been going up to the city every weekend since i moved to palo alto. i just can’t stay away. i’m worried i am keeping myself from what the peninsula has to offer. i have such a ginormous desire to embrace my new life, every bit, but i just can’t seem to find the energy!  i’m learning about patience and process.

she truly is the best mom

two days after i landed back in california and into a new life, my mom hopped over to the bay to provide some back-up. oh man oh man, she truly is the best. i was in the midst of life-change-shock and a weird housing situation, and my dear mother swooped in and took care of me. it meant the world to me to have her here. she helped me so much, and we had so much fun, and each night we knelt to pray together and i felt an overwhelming surge of incandescent, grateful love for my beyond fabulous mom.

a lot of mom’s visit revolved around food. as soon as i picked her up at the airport we headed straight for thai food and yogurtland in downtown palo alto. then the next morning we headed up to the city and i took her to batter bakery/square meals for brunch:

ever since the new shop opened (operating in addition to the kiosk where i worked, and in partnership with an amazing personal chef), i have been wanting to try brunch, and both mom and i were blown away with the yumminess. we sat in the window and in the sunshine and devoured. it was fun to show my mom where i worked, and for her to meet my old boss and try the cookies i sold with such zeal!

next we headed to the ferry building – aka foodie heaven. as usual, the sights and tastes delighted. we were stuffed but made some room for a plethora of samples.

 

there is nothing on earth like the ferry building on a sunny saturday. every time i am there i am hit in the face with how much i love it.

our next stop was the de young museum in golden gate park. i love museuming with my mom because she was the one to teach me so well the value of creativity and beauty. we went to the tower first to see the views. if you look really hard, you can see the tip-top of the golden gate bridge in the first photo below, and downtown san francisco skyscrapers in the second photo below.

we saw such exquisite pieces of art! i loved sharing the sensual and cognitive delight with my mom.

 

we grabbed an “it’s it” (san francisco’s trademark ice cream treat) for lunch and went to the botanical gardens, which i love. the weather was so perfect! our favourite part was the succulent garden, which was even more spectacular than i remembered!

and – baker beach at sunset. it just can’t be beat. i wish the iphone could have picked up better what a glorious sight it was. we sat on the sand and decided on a restaurant for dinner. we settled on fancy new american cuisine in russian hill and woah nelly it was delicious. 

on sunday my mom came to church with me. it was such a joy to have her with me my first week in a new ward! afterwards, we went to palo alto foothills park, which is gorgeous and the perfectly clear, crisp weather gave way to stellar views! i looked around at my new home and felt good.

i also took my mom for a peak into my new office, and across the bridge to visit our relatives in fremont. i took her to the airport early monday morning and it was so sad to say goodbye! i wish she could stay forever. i love her more than i could ever attempt to express. she truly is the best mom.

melancholy

twelve days ago i moved and eleven days ago i started a new job. and it feels like everything in my life has changed – like i’m stuck in the middle of a cartwheel. i’m hanging there, examining my new life from the air, wondering if i like it, all the blood rushing to my head. it’s been a crazy couple of weeks, and honestly a hard couple of weeks. i’m grateful for this mortal experience. i hope i can learn what i need to learn, because i know that this place and time has been written into my life curriculum by a divine hand.

the emotions i had in my last few days living in the city were peculiar. as i took a little extra time to notice my life around me as it passed by gauzy and slow, i kept thinking of the word melancholy. once, a dear friend told me while we watched a golden ocean sunset that she felt feelings of melancholy connected to moments when something beautiful comes to an end, like the last lingering strains of a sunset. we talked about how there is such true sorrow connected with the inevitable death of temporal beauty, but it’s a kind sorrow, a lovely sorrow, an ennobling sorrow - the savory dust of beauty left behind. we came up with a definition something like this:

melancholy -- an emotion of strangely sweet sadness upon realizing the temporality of something very truly beautiful.

such was the state of my heart in my last days living in san francisco. brim with this peculiar brand of emotion that felt so sad and so resplendent at the same time. i love being human because i get to feel like that.

keats wrote a poem called “ode to melancholy"”:

she dwells with beauty—beauty that must die;
  and joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
bidding adieu; and aching pleasure nigh,
  turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
ay, in the very temple of delight
  veil’d melancholy has her sovran shrine,
though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
  can burst joy’s grape against his palate fine;
his soul shall taste the sadness of her might,
  and be among her cloudy trophies hung.

the sadness i have felt leaving places i love is certainly among my highest trophies of mortality. and now, in a new life, i am learning (again) to chose to be happy, to work and strive and press forward to “burst joy’s grape against [my] palate fine,” so that one day when i leave this new home, melancholy will return.

there is indeed some beauty that never dies, some elements of humanity that don’t evoke melancholy because they are not temporary at all – and those exquisite and ultimate beauties are my fondest dreams and the purpose of life to discover.

last few days in my city by the bay:
-riding the train and the bus watching people
-embracing the movement and energy and electricity of the city going from the shop to the kiosk
-opting to walk everywhere and feeling alive
-being cozy by the christmas tree at home and while nannying
-heavy peace in the temple
-driving across the bay bridge – never gets old
-walking to mt. davidson in the sun – ethereal light
-watching the sunset from my roof and listening to latika’s theme
-going to the nutcracker with my boss – fantastic view from box seats, tingly fingertips during the snow scene, hot coco and cookies at intermission
-having a late night pancake party with my roommates

jerusalem 5 year reunion

five years ago this week i embarked on the most fantastic, sumptuous adventure of my life (rivaled only by the mission). since all of my siblings went, one by one, to study abroad in the holy land, i dreamed of going to the byu jerusalem center from when i was itty bitty. my junior year of college came, and the center was closed (and had been for an extended amount of time) for security reasons. i prayed literally every day for two years that it would re-open and i would have the opportunity to live my passionate dream. just in the nick of time, the center again opened its doors to students and i was selected to be in the first group back (after 6 years). i can’t think of anything in my life that has been more completely “dream come true” than my experience in jerusalem.

because of all this lead-up, i had super high expectations when i took off for the holy land that january five years ago. and honest to goodness, my expectations were exceeded an hundred fold. i loved every single second of my time at the jerusalem center, and it was so, so, so much more wonderful than i could have ever imagined, or could ever explain! anyone who has talked to me about that semester abroad knows that i can get pretty zealous in recounting any part of my time in the holy land. holy smokes, it was awesome. i’m stopping myself here…trying not to gush endlessly…

one of the best blessings of my time in jerusalem was the people i met, lived with, adventured with, and grew with those glorious, sacred four months. we got very close that semester, and have since gone so many different ways! i decided six months ago to plan a reunion to commemorate the 5-year anniversary of our departure, and to reconnect, and to remember. we settled on january 1 in utah as the best time and place to get together, and so i invited everyone up to my parents’ house and man oh man! it was great.

we caught up with dear friends:

met new spouses:

and new children!:

ate a middle-eastern food feast on my jerusalem china:

watched a slideshow of pictures downstairs:

and of course took a group photo:

and attempted a jumping photo, since we took hundreds in the holy land
(and matt was clearly the only one who really caught the vision):

as we went around the room and gave a report on our last five years to update all these beloved friends, i sat back astounded at what rad people i lived with in the middle east. this group was so amazing. we shared such incredible experiences. no one really understands it but us – they just can’t.

those four months in jerusalem was the absolutely happiest time of my life, and i just can’t imagine it getting any better. i was so grateful for the opportunity to reflect on that time this holiday season.