ripping up inside

i spent most of this weekend in earnest, velvet rumination. i sat on my bed for hours, the soft early summer sun slanting through the blinds, and prayed and thought and wrote and pondered. i called parents and siblings and friends and took notes on their perspectives and advice. i read old journals of my own and wise words of others and i shed some heavy, opaque tears. and in the evenings i had conversations that made me rip deep inside of myself, through all the veins and muscles and tendons of my life experience, really.

in the past few days, i have felt so harrowingly burdened and so excruciatingly enlightened. i’m continually amazed at how the good and the hard of mortality are intertwined.

 

i want to share more about what i’m learning soon, but for today here are two small, golden thoughts, one from jeffrey r. holland and one from my wise sister saydi:
remember, in this world everyone is to walk by faith.
working takes less effort than doubting.

{the artwork above is by my dear childhood/teenagehood friend caitlin connolly. i’m in love with it. and below is a painting from one of my all-time favourites, brian kershisnik. i believe in those angels.}

take me out to the ball game

among my favourite, favourite things (yes, i know i have a lot of those) in the world is the 7th inning stretch at a major-league baseball game. and i sure belt it out as well all stand and sing together.

on tuesday, the boy took me out to the ball game. we took the train to at&t park and got there just as the game was starting and the sun was setting. we walked around the back of the park, watched a couple of innings from behind the scoreboard, nearly froze to death in our seats at the tippy-top of the stands, ate a bratwurst while watching from lower down, saw a score-tying homerun hit by a giant right into the bay waters in the bottom of the 9th inning (!!!) and of course thoroughly enjoyed the 7th inning stretch. 

there’s just nothing like the electric, hearty atmosphere of a baseball game.

sunday twilight walks at the baylands

= the best.

especially with the mustard flowers out in wild bloom.

not sure what this pose is about. but i was very happy under that sunsetty sky.

pinnacles

on saturday, the boy took me to pinnacles national park. i had no idea this place existed (neither did he until a week or so ago)! turns out southeast of monterey there is this incredibly cool spot of nature. it was fun to discover an entirely new place with zero expectations.

it was a balmy, clear day and the drive to pinnacles was spectacular. once we arrived, we just set out to explore. we encountered caves and a reservoir and vista peaks and big soaring birds and neat rock formations and wildflowers and (my favourite part) neon multicolored moss.

  

the bay area never ceases to amaze me. there’s always more beauty to go see.

the difference…

…between the boy and i…

 

on friday night we made homemade pizza. for toppings, i chose strawberries, bacon, sweet onion, chicken, and cilantro with a balsamic glaze sauce. the boy chose pepperoni.

opposites attract?

ten things i am learning lately

1. true love requires sacrifice. and sacrifice is a choice.

2. the principles of faith as power apply to faith in other things besides god. faith in other people, in the future, and in my own heart are all important shades of faith.

3. it’s good for me to do things i don’t want to do. there is value in doing work that i don’t have initial motivation towards.

4. separating the mortal from the eternal is a very important skill. it is equally important to recognize man’s humanity as it is to recognize god’s divinity.

5. sometimes, i just need to reeeeelax.

6. people can be wildly different. we can see, conceptualize, experience, understand things completely differently than someone close to us.  

7. humility is hard. but so often required for happiness.

8. people are always the priority. i get bogged down in different things going on in my life, but at the end of the day, how i treat others is the most important.

9. comparison can be incredibly damaging and can skew my perception of my life’s reality.

10. life is crazy ride. i have to keep proactively choosing to embrace the thrill of it.

{the boy brought me those daffodils a couple of days ago. they were just little buds on stalks – hardly any yellow was showing. within 20 hours they had popped, and coming home to them so open and awake and cheery made me so happy!}

pretty & wise words

     

i’m a little obsessed with all the
pretty quote posters i see pinned on
pinterest. i know i’m not the only
one.

this morning i was having a hard
time getting going and not feeling
discouraged about things in my
life. i went right to my board of
pretty & wise words and found
some inspiration.

no matter what, i am in charge of
how i feel about my life, and truth
is  - my life is beautiful.

two evenings with the ‘rents

with nine children and twenty-four grandchildren spread all over the country (massachusetts, new york, the district of columbia, arizona, utah, california north and south, hawaii) and an insatiable desire to see all those loved ones often, my parents get around quite a bit. i’ve started to notice over the past few years that they drop in to see my siblings quite more often than me. they’ll freely admit that it’s for the grandkids. i once threatened to go ahead and have a baby out of wedlock so they would come visit me! :) well, last week linda and rick went to maui to see four of their grandchildren (oh, and my brother and sister-in-law, i guess) and decided it was worth a stop-over in the bay area on their way and their way back to see me. well, me and the boy. well, probably mostly the boy…

anyway, i was so excited to make reservations for us four to share a meal together both last wednesday and last night. we went to a fabulous italian place in downtown san francisco last week and walked to the piers to watch the bay lights dance after we engaged heartily in good food and good conversation. yesterday we went to my favourite restaurant in all the land, a palestinian place in sunnyvale. on our way to drop mom and dad off at my aunt and uncle’s house in fremont, we stopped at the baylands to send off some paper lanterns and wave some sparklers. because the boy keeps these things in the trunk of his car for scenarios like last night when we really need them :)

 

i love my parents so, so, so much and i feel so, so, so incredibly grateful that i am theirs and they are mine.

danse! danse! danse!

speaking of french, i loooove this video and had to share. i dare you to watch this and not feel excited about life today.

why are you wasting your life? / dance, dance, dance! / look at the time you loose / why do you complain? / it would be better if you wake up / get out of your bubble a little / go ahead and shake yourself and dance! / why are you wasting your life? / dance, dance, dance!

here's to a colorful, groovy tuesday!

springtime in paris

 
brittany and i auctioned off a
fancy dinner party at our ward
service auction at christmastime.
three  of our friends went in on
buying it together. it was quite a
feat to find a day that worked for
all of us to make it happen, and
finally the day of the party came
last saturday.

it had been a while since we had
thrown a dinner party together
and it was so fun to do it again.
the weeks preceding included a
lot of scheming and planning and excitement. and everything
worked out so beautifully!

{past dinner parties: st. patick’s
day / good friday / mid-summer
night / pioneer day / autumn /
st. lucia day}

 

        we decided we wanted to create the
        ambiance of “springtime in paris” and
        try french cooking together. brittany
        has lived with french families in
        france twice, so she knew just how a
        parisian dinner party at home should
        go.

        we started our preparations early in the
        morning on saturday. our first challenge
        was cooking julia' child’s beouf
        bourguignon. we found some youtube
        videos of julia demonstrating “the art
        of french cooking” and had them
        playing in the background as we
        worked. it felt like julia (with her very
        distinct voice!) was in the kitchen with
        us. after hours and hours, the beouf
        turned out perfect! we were so very
        proud.

        we went to a french bakery to pick up
        fresh baguettes and then back to work
        on our other dishes…and the table!     brittany has a lovely old map of paris that we hung above the simple, pretty table, and we just
happened to have perfectly matching aprons! this party was different than others we’ve
thrown because we didn’t sit at the table with out guests. it was really fun to just serve them and
be able to perfect things back in the kitchen. the three girls who bought the dinner invited three
boys to come. we loved bringing them all the different courses and hearing them enjoy.
 
we had the traditional cheese and bread course after the main course and before dessert.
 
maybe i spilled a slice of that gorgeous citrus tart right onto the lap of one of our guests and then
on to the floor while serving her dessert. it just added to the entertainment of the night!

everything worked out so beautifully! it was a super fun day preparing and evening sharing.

“this is my invariable advice to people: learn how to cook- try new recipes, learn from
your mistakes, be fearless, and above all have fun!” – julia child

happy things for a grouchy morning

a few weeks ago i posted this. which prompted this question from a reader:
i have been reading your blog for a good long while now, and i am always struck by your love of life, and your excitement for it...i wonder how you came to feel that way? how is it possible to be so excited amidst, well, life?! i too love life, but it weighs on me and at times i can't seem to move past the heavy and into the excited. i share your beliefs... and i am grateful for the large part they play, but seriously, how come you are so happy? share your secret!

it made me chuckle a little because the reason i had posted that thought about enjoying the day and being glad in it was because i really didn’t want to face that february 21, 2013. i was feeling super overwhelmed and life was weighing heavily on me. and, so, i decided to decide to snap out of it, recognize my blessings, exercise my skills of positivity and passion, and move forward.  i can’t remember that day perfectly, but i’m willing to bet that i wasn’t chipper and delightful in many moments. but i kept reminding myself that there is so much to be happy about.

anyone who knows me well knows that my passion for life can cause me to be intensely sad as well as ebulliently happy. i chose to revel in the humanity of deep and keen heartache and then make a decision to allow the happy to outweigh the sad. because the truth is, it does, pretty much no matter our circumstances. there is goodness all around. {that being said, i heartily acknowledge that i have been spared from much of the profound suffering that many endure. i never want to underemphasize how real and acute human hardship is.}

i am not always good at making that choice, but when i need an extra little boost to do it, it helps to post something positive on my blog. this morning i woke up feeling a little grumpy. i saw this pretty “i’m so happy today” poster online and decided to be so happy today. i thought making some quick additions to my “happy things” list {and sharing them} would help…

dipping homemade scones in my herbal tea
general conference – inspiration, traditions, faith
spring mornings
running the dish at golden hour
being healthy
a delicious and beautifully presented meal
trying a new restaurant
hugs from parents
my sparkly gold flats
wonderful coworkers and working for a cause i believe in
blossom petals in the breeze
holding hands
blog comments
emails from siblings
crystal moments of pure, pure love

p.s. two things i wanted to share:
-my friend just moved to palo alto to work for a cool new mommy startup called first opinion. it connects moms with doctors, who are also moms, through text messaging. they are offering free unlimited access to a doctor, 24/7, on your iphone! there are a limited number of slots available, so if you have questions you've always wanted answered (but didn't want to drag all the kids to the doctor, or sit on the phone with a nurse, or sift through a mountain of webmd articles) contact my friend asap at beta@firstopinion.co, and if you're accepted, she'll match you up with a doctor.
-there’s a new app in the app store called lds temple passport. it’s a fun way to keep track of the temples you have been to and learn cool temple facts. i’m excited to get a “stamp” for each of the 38 temples i have visited.

sf museum of craft and design

my lovely kelsey was recently hired by the museum of craft and design in the city, and they opened up their new space last weekend! on friday night steph and i got to be kelsey’s special guests at the vip reception celebrating the new exhibitions. it was a such a fun fancy night.

those sea creatures are made out of crocheted wire! pretty neat.

sunday afternoon at filoli

at christmastime, the boy and i went to a messiah singalong in stanford memorial church. we sat next to a lovely older man named bob and got to know him a little. he told us he works part time at filoli, which is one of my favourite places ever. he said we’d have to come visit in the spring and he would take us on a tour.

last week bob let us know that the 60,000 tulips at filoli were at their peak! so we arranged to come see him and them on sunday afternoon. it was such a glorious couple of hours. i was totally swooning at all the gorgeous flowers, in awe of the splendor of man’s cultivation and organization of god’s creations.