ripping up inside

i spent most of this weekend in earnest, velvet rumination. i sat on my bed for hours, the soft early summer sun slanting through the blinds, and prayed and thought and wrote and pondered. i called parents and siblings and friends and took notes on their perspectives and advice. i read old journals of my own and wise words of others and i shed some heavy, opaque tears. and in the evenings i had conversations that made me rip deep inside of myself, through all the veins and muscles and tendons of my life experience, really.

in the past few days, i have felt so harrowingly burdened and so excruciatingly enlightened. i’m continually amazed at how the good and the hard of mortality are intertwined.

 

i want to share more about what i’m learning soon, but for today here are two small, golden thoughts, one from jeffrey r. holland and one from my wise sister saydi:
remember, in this world everyone is to walk by faith.
working takes less effort than doubting.

{the artwork above is by my dear childhood/teenagehood friend caitlin connolly. i’m in love with it. and below is a painting from one of my all-time favourites, brian kershisnik. i believe in those angels.}