nine months

on friday i walked through awake and buzzing downtown san francisco - my breathing, stirring, teeming city. the colors and textures of the buildings and the sky had me transfixed and i felt like dancing in the streets. and then i stopped and had a stunning little realization - oh hey, i love my life. as crazy, turbulent, capricious, unexpected, wearisome and downright brutal these months have been, the bare, bottom truth is that i've loved it. it has been an epic adventure. it has taken a bit of reworking my mind to realize this, but yes, this is my life, and yes, i love my life.

today marks 9 months since i packed up my car and drove west until i hit the ocean. the way i see it, nothing has happened, but so much has happened.

my stroll downtown came about because i had just added one more random job to my growing list of haphazard employment activities. i had been selling delicious baked goods to passer-bys at a busy corner in the financial district from this little circular booth:

my roommate bakes and sells for batter and in a bind she asked me to come fill in at the kiosk. it was so fun. i loved talking to all kinds of people and trying to brighten their day, and sitting in that little bubble watching the world go by. i get to go back this friday!

so, now my list looks like this -

jobs i have/had:

-on-call batter bakery kiosk girl

-personal/administrative assistant for (as my dad dubbed her) "eccentric lady"

-nanny for a british family in the haight - two kids (5 and 6)

-nanny for a super stylish family in burlingame - one little boy (1)

-nanny for a young posh family in the sunset - two girls (3 and 5)

-on-call babysitter for a smattering of other families around the bay

-personal/administrative assistant for an international documentary filmmaker

-assistant to the new york city area sales manager, imagine learning

-web assistant, the power of moms

-retreat manager, the power of moms

-personal organizer for my sister (sorry that didn't last long shawni)

-typist, r.m. eyre & assoc.

-traveling nanny for my brother (three kids) and my sister (five kids)

-social media marketing strategist for "the entitlement trap"

-tour guide to 31 visitors (seriously, i counted, 31)

-looking for, applying to and interviewing for "real" jobs

yesterday morning a great friend and i went to the tip-top of corona heights and the city was spilled out in front of us, glowing so brightly in the sunny, sunny sun. my heart was absolutely swollen with love for this place and that little part of me labeled "san francisco." and it all got me to thinking about, despite the stagnancy of certain parts of my life, everything that has happened and progressed.

i've crossed some things off my bucket list, i've made incredible friends, i've learned about suffering i didn't know about before, i've started a new life, i've explored and had awesome adventures. i've woken up each day to the ocean, i've been rejected over and over and over, i've developed an entirely new brand of strength, i've looked inside myself like never before. i've been forced to develop patience and courage and trust, i've survived a wild love-hate relationship with myself, i've grown in character, i've learned the importance of decision-making ... and i've made a long list of phrases starting with "i've."

last night i found a ladder, climbed onto the roof of my house and watched the sunset. it was one of those ennobling moments. nine months: nothing has happened, but so much has happened. i just know in the marrow of my bones that good things are ahead. i can't deny it.